I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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