Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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