You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
