if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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