Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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