Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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