You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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