you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So much rum. So many feels.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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