I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
