haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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