i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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