It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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