it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
