he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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