there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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