Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry about my life...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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