shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
