He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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