I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
