i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
