What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
