He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
