you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
