I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
