is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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