M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
