I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
