dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
