I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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