I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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