doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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