I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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