I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
