i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
