if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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