And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
