the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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