Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
