need another drink. this is the easiest way
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
