Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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