That's intense
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
