u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
