she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
