apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
