Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
