I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
