never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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