i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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