how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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