everyone is single if you try hard enough
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
