im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
