No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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