got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
