I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
