You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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