Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
nutella sex= disaster
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
