you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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